~2015,ACountryChristmas~

When you consider

The ENORMOUS amount of rain we received,

Which kept us in doors way more than a person ought to be,

Which in turn gave us a terrible bout of Cabin Fever

And rendered us stir crazy and a little out of our minds,

It makes perfect sense that I have dubbed this Christmas

"2015, A Redneck Christmas"

In the interest of discretion, I suppose I could say

"2015, A Country Christmas"

PoTAEto PoTOTo…..whatever.

We spent the week tucked away in our mountain spot with family.

Inside, during the almost constant downpours,

We (and by we, I mean Brad, Cameron, and kids) jumped rope to the point of delirium.

Grandpa organized his second installment of his clever "DiveThroughThe HoopAndHopefullyRollOutOnTheSofaCushionsThatAreOnTheFloor" game.

He also sent us all on a MadHuntGame to find the piece of paper with your name on it…victors received $5.

We had handstand contests and played "CatchTheOrangeSliceInYourMouth"

Grandpa is the orange slice tosser, as he has been for 30+ years.

We cooked a LOT and ate even more.

We cut up with crazy sisters.

Some of us wore glittery, laced, sparkly princess outfits paired with cat socks EVERY DAY.

During any letup from the rain,

We sent volunteering brother in law down an overflowing, too narrow creek in a too long kayak.

We shot lots of guns.

We hung out in Enos.

We surveyed flooded roads.

All in all, inside or out, it was an easy Christmas full of laughter.

The kind I do NOT take for granted.

We are back home

Brad is on call all week :-/

It's raining….again….but I don't mind a bit right now

Kids are upstairs content with sticker books, Beanie Boos, and other randomness.

Channel 801 is playing "Holidays and Happenings"

Chicken and Rice is about to come out of the oven

Gabbie is on the sofa beside me, sleeping.

Definitely shaping up to be one of my favorite December nights, when measured on the Cozy Scale.

~stacey

~NothingButTheHumOfTheDishwasher~

I can handle only so much audible stimulation.
I have limits on how many
ideas
suggestions
observations
complaints
arguments
thoughts
wrong calculations
right calculations
disagreements
stresses
cat observations
school project ideas
and kid jokes
that I can physically, mentally handle and process without jumping off a bridge.

At about 8:47 tonight, I just had to tap out.
I was d.o.n.e.

There's dog poo on your shoe?
I don't care.

Yes, I just dropped the brand new gum ball ornament and it broke into a million pieces.
#idon'tcare
Get grateful, kid.

That's due tomorrow?
Hmm…maybe you should have started before yesterday.
#idon'tcare

You just got catsup on your brand new, very most favorite Love. shirt?
Yeah…you should go straight upstairs, wash it on delicate (because that's the shortest cycle, so you will still be awake when it's done and can hang it to dry yourself, because I am not going up those stairs one more time today unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire).
#idon'tcare

My ears hurt from all the precious, life sucking chatter that I get from all my people that I absolutely would not change for the world.
I mean, let's be real, there are a lot of brains, mouths, and emotions going on under this one roof. (which, for an introvert, can prove to be a real challenge) #Lordhelpmedothiswellenough

Yes, I am fully aware that I will absolutely miss all this glorious white noise one day…which is why I light-heartedly make fun of my chaos, cut myself a little slack, and give myself permission to happily sit in this keeping room, at 10:04p.m., ALL alone, with nothing but the hum of the dishwasher, and the clicking of my laptop keys….and not be sorry a bit.

~stacey

~Rain,Suffering, Heather, and BoJackson~

I'm in pajamas.

It's 3:00 in the afternoon and I'm in pajamas. 

Went to church, grabbed some groceries, came back home, instantly got in "worn out exhausted cozy" mode. 

It's raining. 

SHOCKING,  I know. 

It's rained for the last 9, 847 days, so why do I expect anything different? 

There is a reason I don't live in Forks, Washington, and this.is.it.  (well, the rain and then there's also the vampire thing but that's a whole 'nother story)

Brad's been operating since before I got out of bed this morning. (thank.you.honey.as.we.speak.I.am.washing.your.socks.and.underwear.what.says.I.love.you.more.than.that?)

We are going to eat supper with Mom and Dad tonight….warms my hear to be able to skip over a few streets and eat bacon and eggs with them. Mom's having surgery to remove her thyroid this week. Would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined. (nodule needs to NOT be cancer)

Have been praying hard for a sweet girl who is fighting a dreadful disease. 
All week, I've been crying, praying with my kids, by myself, in the car, at home, in the bed, wrestling with faith, acceptance, boldness, God's sovereignty, our responsibility to pray fervently, begging God for mercy and total healing for her body, that this nasty thing called cancer will NOT be. 

Because, on occasion I think/obsess too much, 
I frequently find myself in a tail spin regarding how to pray, why pray, when to pray, God's sovereign yet we are told to come boldly before His throne…all that.

I remember YEARS ago, while we lived in the midwest, starting to pray that God would increase my faith. 

I just want you to know that GOD ABSOLUTELY HEARS YOUR PRAYERS.

Walking in relationship with my heavenly Father is just that….a relationship.
The longer I go, the more I'm amazed by His faithfulness.

How many times have I read the account of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane? 

a.lot.

This week, I found myself here again, in Mark 14:32-42

Jesus said… 
"'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.'…he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 'Father', he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'"

All these years, out of a desire to pray big, to have strong faith, to expect God to SHOW UP on behalf of His people, I think I've fallen prey to viewing the act of  
asking God for healing as being a conflict with asking for His will.

Those two requests, in the same breath, in the same prayer are not conflicting requests!

If JESUS, God's own Son, can be in anguish to the point of death and BEG God to remove this cup of suffering from Him, then SO CAN I. 

If, in the same breath, Jesus has the humility and willingness to accept God's will above his own, NO MATTER HOW UNDESIRABLE  it may be, 
then so.can.I. 

God never shuns my prayers. 
He never scoffs at the shortsighted, limited ridiculousness of my requests. 
He is tender hearted towards His children.
The offer of eternity with Him IS HIS MERCY on His people. 
I am so thankful for His grace and faithfulness in the midst of earthly crap.

I'm amazed at the Community of Believers I do life with. 
People's gift-ings…how they respond to others' in need is something else to watch. 
Some pray their heads off.
Some get straight to the hospital.
Some buy stuff.
Some send money.
Some organize mass group texts to get info out.

None of which compares to being the one to called upon to walk directly through the suffering, 
but all of whom have an important roll to play in being "sympathetic, loving towards one another, compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3.

I just cry and buy stuff for other people to take….I can't deal with it. I'm a blubbering mess in the midst of pain.
Wish I was a little more like Heather, who cries, gets mad, empathizes, but has this crazy amazing grace filled ability to get right in the middle of it and sweat it out with you in humility and selfless compassion. Thank God for people like her.

#prayforliv

As weird as it is, life goes on…and here's a tidbit of ours recently:

1. The leaves are everywhere, as are the raindrops.
2. The best co-Sunday School teacher ever.
3. More leaves on wet pavement. :-/
4. Nephew about to be a United States Marine. SO PROUD.
5. Daughter did so well at her first every gymnastics meet. DID NOT crumple under pressure a bit.
6. Best "big sis" at the gym.  Emma adores Ellie.
7. Jake, Gabbie, and me…doing school on the porch.
8. This shirt….I NEED it. Introverts Unite. 
9. The Fox Theater is always a good idea.
10. Pumpkin Patch with friends, another good idea.
11.Yes, I met Bo Jackson. BoKnowsMe (not at all but that was pretty funny, right?) 
12. Family and Selfie-Sticks…..two musts.

Brad is in NONE of these pictures, but I assure you, he is alive and well…..just working a lot. a LOT.



~stacey

~WonderfulWeekendRecap~

I got my 5 year old out of the tub last night. 

It was a late end to a wonderful, jam packed, exhausting, awesome weekend.

She sighs, looks at me with the sarcasm of a moody 14 year old and says,

"Ugh, I do NOT like Mondays."

I seriously do not think I say that….I mean, I don't. 
I may think it sometimes 
but I could never possibly say it out loud because I'm so self controlled like that...

I do, however, know for a FACT, that my big 3 say that very thing frequently. 

...so I'll blame it on them.

Friday, the girls got their school done….except Avery, whom I forced to save half of her Friday work for Monday because I had just SO much to do Friday that I could not possibly sit and teach school so she saved some school work for Monday which is most of the reason that today has been harder, longer, and worse than it otherwise would be which you should know that this is a blessing/curse of our school model. (I know that was a run-on sentence…..just for any of you who are mortified at the thought of my having anything to do with my kid's education….it was for effect….)

See? Here we are, real time, writing away. 

"Mom," she says, "I mean, what time is it? 

It feels like 11:00 at night." 

Thank you, time change…I pretty much despise you.

Back to Friday….we schooled for a bit, then we cleaned, picked up, and cleaned some more.

We were at the gym at 7:45 Saturday morning for gymnastics meet #1, home by 10:30, to put finishing touches on costumes, to get a little supper prep done,  and to get gymnast #2 ready for her meet. Got home from meet #2 at about 4:30, got kids dressed up, ate Brad's really good barbecue and enjoyed family, friends, football, and fellowship. 

There has never been a better Rosie The Riveter.

Being a Minion is ALWAYS a good idea. always.

This is Tiger Lily, who originally, was supposed 

to be the NEW Cinderella.

Saturday at about 4:32, Cinderella decided that since she had made her debut already and since she had spent the better part of Thursday in her blue gown, 

she thought she needed to dive into 

big sister's closet and be an Indian.

I, being on child #4, 

have learned a little about which battles to pick. 

SO.

We threw on that size 8, a little too big Indian dress, stuck a random set of feathers in her hair,

smeared four lipstick stripes on her cheeks and had the 

best night ever.

And the almost 14 year old boy that I love so much. 

God bless all the middle schoolers. 

They are all so funny and so great! 

~oh my heart!

we just finished supper, and are about to watch 

Come On Man, and then collect our girl from gymnastics.

THREE WEEKS TIL THANKSGIVING BREAK!

night night!

~stacey

~SurroundedByGiants~

Mercy!

I feel like I need to reintroduce myself to cyber space…but I'll spare you.

Instead, I'll just pick right back up like it hasn't really been months since I've written.

Life is busy and so very full in the best sort of way.

I feel like I'm suddenly surrounded by giants. There have been several times recently, while out and about with my kids, that I literally stopped and just stared at them. They were all walking a little ahead of me, talking amongst themselves and I accidentally grinned in disbelief. These precious kids that yesterday, were so small and needy, are quickly getting closer and closer to eye level and 
I. absolutely. love. it.

They are funny, sweet hearted, complex individuals that I am blessed to steward. Really hope I'm doing right by them…and by the God who made them and entrusted them to me for a time. 

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but it keeps not dropping and frankly, I don't expect it will. 
Child rearing might really just keep getting better every year.

Yes, they drive me crazy on occasion, but more often than not, their sense of humor, their individuality, their learning to deal with life, their shared love of Tim Hawkins (fostered by their Dad), their tween and pre-tween humor of new under arm hair, and other random awkwardness, has me swooning.

Take heart, sweet Mamas. 
Steward more than you attempt to control.
Don't be afraid to watch them struggle and mess up.
To quote my Mama, who I think was quoting her Mama,
"Every tub has to sit on it's own bottom."
The quicker you can stop owning your kids' every flaw, the better off you'll be. 
Let them be human…but pray like mad for their hearts. 
(this is me, preaching to the choir)
I'm just barely entering "phase 2" of parenting.

pray for me.

It's that phase, 
after the toddler/little kid phase, where relinquishing control, all the while maintaing order, obedience, and expectations, is the task. 
It's just before the "launching phase", which completely freaks me out…so I plan to enjoy this season to the maximum amount possible.  

~stacey

~IfYouNeedToFeelBetterAboutYourself~

When God gave the wisdom to some person, that the school/work week should be five days, not seven, I'm pretty sure He did that with me in mind...out of sheer mercy.
He knew that I would, every single week, come in to Friday on a wing and a prayer. 

It's Thursday night, 9:50 and I have been home less than an hour from getting all my people to and from all their stuff. 

This week:

I've told a friend twice, TWICE that I would meet her for coffee, only to realize THE MORNING OF, that I, in fact, had dental appointment for Emma once, and piano lesson for Jake the second time that obviously would prevent a coffee date…can you get more embarrassing than that?

Oh wait, actually, yes, you can.

I gave a hearty wave goodbye to my 8th grade son, his bus driver, and a bus full of school friends, as I dropped him off to catch the shuttle, headed to school.
WITH my back Suburban hatch open.
Yep….I grinned, waved at all those people, then proceeded to peel out of the parking lot like a happy Cruella Deville. 
WITH MY BACK DOOR OPENED TO THE HEAVENS.

Funniest part of that was Jake's sweet synopsis that afternoon:

It was the first thing we talked about at pick up that afternoon..
He blushed, giggled, and said,

"Oh yeah, I saw you with the door wide open! I actually said out loud, 'oh! Mom!!' as you drove off. I was like, 'yep, that's my Mom but I'll still claim her!'"

I mean, there IS NO better son on the face of the earth.
He will be that kid, like my friend and pastor, who cries himself to sleep the first night he leaves home for college. 

And last, but not least, there's this:

First, and most importantly, you should know that I wrote down

Poppyseed Chicken and Burgers AFTER we ate them...

which tells you that I had no idea what we were eating until we ate it.

Second, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday…I mean, yeah…pathetic.

It's just been that kind of week.

BUT. I'm going to Costco tomorrow, so look out world.

Next week's menu will be better and filled in before the actual day, so there. 

thank you, Jesus for happy Thursday nights. I made it!!!

~stacey

~WednesdaysOff,WHAT?!~

I consider the hours of 3:30 to 8:30, Monday through Friday to be "extra curricular". 
I am fully aware that 8:30 seems an ungodly hour to call "extra curricular" but I have two kids over the age of 10, and two nipping at their heels.

One of whom is a gymnast, so I have learned that you can't demand that they be home before 9:00..even on a school night….IF you choose a parenting style that has your kids "in stuff".
(which is something you and your spouse must debate and decide…which route are we going?) 
it's a reasonable question for sure.

the only reason I am semi okay with afternoon/evening commitments is because my crew is home with me half the time for school….without that, I couldn't bear for them to be so busy in the afternoons.
I would simply miss them too much and would be incredibly frustrated by the lack of hours I had with them. 

Back to us…

The "scheduling gods"…I say this tongue in cheek…have smiled on me.

Our fall schedule has just been finalized.

With a total of 27 hours of combined activities for four kids including tennis, gymnastics, and piano, during the afore  mentioned hours, (which total up to 25 available hours), 

somehow
someway
I (we) have been given Wednesday afternoons completely off.

nothing going on Wednesday afternoons.
nada
zero
zilch
zip
niente
nihil

not.a.thing. is scheduled for Wednesday.

I can't even believe it.

Seriously credit this to God having mercy on me.

I told Brad that if he dare step one foot inside this door after 5:00 on Wednesdays,
then don't even bother.
He may as well stay gone because 
he will be in a pot of hot water.

I think he is actually a little scared….which he should be…because Wednesdays just became pretty important to this mama. 

#humpday

thank.you.Jesus.

~stacey

~ThoughtsOnParentingWhenYouFeelIndadequate~

I hate lies.

blatant ones

subtle ones

verbal or non

I hate them all.

I especially hate when people are quick to believe lies.

{whether about themselves or about each other}

In John 8, Jesus calls the devil the father of lies…which gives me FULL permission to despise them~

Because of God's goodness in the lives of my parents, they faithfully taught me some invaluable life lessons.

There were two root concepts that were foundational for the million things we talked about as a family for 30+ years.

~Truth and Motive~

As far as I know, there was never a formal discussion about those two things being root teachings, but they were like threads of silk, woven in and out of discussions for as long as I can remember.

The expressed or implied question of truth and motive never went away…NEVER...and it's shocking how many things can be dealt with just by examining truth vs. lies, and the motives of your heart.

One lie that seems to lurk every once in a while in or around my head is a real humdinger.

It habitually makes an appearance just before the school year starts.

The emails, alerts, texts, and reminders start.
August becomes squares of more pencil marks and asterisks than white paper. (I prefer June's squares which are mostly blank with a few "swimming" or "vacation" scribbled in)
My palms get sweaty.
The deadlines…the early mornings.
The chronic running behind schedule, deadlines or due dates.
I get nauseous with the daunting, looming task (that I love so much) of mothering and teaching school to my four people…of keeping the house, of getting everyone to and from where they have to be on time…of covering all the bases. (because it's hard. it sucks the life out of me. as it is supposed to.)
Not to mention the responsibility I feel to teach them how to have good character, to look past behavior and really shepherd their hearts, and to give them more than just a glimpse of Jesus.  
HOW do you do all that? 
Don't you wish there was a manual?

So this lie…

"You are inadequate, Stacey. You're just not enough. You're bound to forget, leave out, or ignore some critical child rearing "must" and your kids seriously may not turn out…because you will fall short. You are a big. fat. failure."

in·ad·e·quate

inˈadikwət/

adjective
lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose
synonyms: insufficient, deficient, poor, scant, scanty, scarce, sparse, in short supply;

if I ever stay there

if I ever take a seat on the stump of inadequacy, I'm a goner.

It's a lie that is totally debilitating.

If I ever give in, if I ever allow myself to believe this untruth, I do one of two things:

1. Start frantically grasping at every law, suggestion, principle, scheduling rules, planning musts, and strategies of successful parenting there has ever been in the history of all the world ever….x10 to ensure that I DO IT ALL CORRECTLY OR AT LEAST DIE TRYIN'.

~or~

2. I throw up my hands and sing a nice long version of , "Que Sera Sera"
Pshh. I mean, really, what can I possibly do?
I can't guarantee anything, so I am tapping out.
whatever, dude.

Neither 1 or 2 are reasonable options. 

#1 is ridiculously stressful and man pleasing and #2 is downright lazy.

So, after 18 or so hours of internal stress that kept building and building to the point that the tension was all over my face, I just stopped.

I had the house to myself for an hour, which is nothing short of miraculous.

I got quiet.

I got honest.

I filleted open my heart before the Lord.

~truth~

and said out loud what I knew to be the root, the honest issue of my heart.

~motive~

"Lord, I feel inadequate. like I'm not enough. i'm terrified of not doing something that i should do as it relates to training/loving these four people you have loaned/entrutsted to me."


Then just as faint as a whisper, He spoke to my heart. 
Not so much in a "thou shalt…" sort of voice,
but it was more that He simply, quietly reminded me of two things.

Two things that I heard years ago relating specifically to child rearing.
Two things that I've ruminated on over and over and over again ever since.

~Enjoy your kids~ 

~Raise your kids in God's presence~ 

It's almost as if He, knowing my need for simplicity, was saying,

"Remember those two things that Dudley and Cathy said? You didn't hear those by accident. Those words were branded in your heart and mind for a reason. Trust Me to do My work in the hearts of Jake, Reese, Avery, and Emma. Enjoy them. Enjoy who they are…their uniqueness, their strengths, their oddities, and yes, help them with their weaknesses, but never loose sight of enjoying them. They are, after all, MINE.
Let them see you  in relationship with Me. If you are abiding in me, looking after the relationship you and I share, you will in turn, give them more than a glimpse of Me."

So, with God as my help, that is what I will do. 

The lists, the rules, the must do's…all that is secondary to my two things.
Enjoy and Raise them in His presence.

It's a mistake to underestimate the act of enjoying your kids.
This means, maybe you don't get in a complete wad when that toddler embarrasses you with a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, or maybe you don't get all worked up about the hairstyle your 14 year old wants. Maybe an A in that class isn't as important as that good choice they made in a difficult situation. Maybe you don't freak out when they don't do it all just exactly right. 
You are a guide, a helper, a teacher, a trainer, a discipliner, a protector….not a controller.

It's a mistake to underestimate  the idea of rearing children in God's presence. This means you, Mom, actually spend time in the Word, you actually pray, you pray hard, specifically for the hearts of your kids, you repent when you mess up, you say yes to only what you're supposed to say yes to, and you say no to all the rest. 

YOU are called to do your part
to be obedient 
to parent YOUR children
only YOU can hear God on the way to best parent your brood.
So listen, consider what you're doing and why you are doing it.


I am SO thankful that:
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

His grace covers me. It covers my insufficiencies, my weaknesses, my shortcomings, and flaws. 
By His grace and mercy, my kids will see Him in spite of me. 
If He doesn't come through, 
if He doesn't capture the hearts of my kids, then we are all sunk.

I choose to drop my anchor at the truth of His faithfulness.
I will camp out there.
His love never fails.

 

~stacey

~BrainDumpAndThisWeekOnTheiPhone~

My friend, Lauren, brilliantly described something she had written as a "brain dump".

which is such a perfect description and exactly what this is

except that it's not organized neatly

nor is it conveying some great, well thought out revelation

it's just a  dump of all the randomness I've had swirling around my head recently.


~What's for supper tonight:

 

two big salads and four baby salads

chicken fettuccine 

the ONLY redeeming quality in this, other than the salad,

is the whole grain noodles and the fact that it makes my family happy

which is definitely worth something

~School books have come in
uniforms have been ordered
I have most definitely had to flip to the August calendar a time or two to fill in important dates. 
*sigh
one of mine is anxious about multiplication facts.
"Mom, I'm worried that, you know, they won't come back."
…that's an easy fix I say.
So we've been doing a little, a precious little
multiplication
counting back change
pre-algebra
and number writing.

really wish all school year was 

as laid back as our "summer schooling".

~The reality of freedom...
finally being free from something…something you've mulled over, considered, re-considered, and wrestled with for months, or maybe even years…that moment, whether it's gradual or instant, when you realize, "I'm really not laboring under that anymore"….THAT is a good thing. 
it's a sign of growth
of progress
and of the wonderful grace and workings of God in our lives…

Funny thing about freedom...
you can't really fake it…at least not for very long
you may try to convince yourself you are free
you may try to act like your free because you want it so badly
But there is no substitution for the unwavering peace that is the result of 
that thing not controlling you anymore.

~Have made my "ToDoBeforeSchoolStarts" list.
some of which is:

-I am exactly five years behind on ordering prints.
well make that four after today
whittling away at that
ordering one year per day until I'm caught up

-putting together our vacation photo book

-hanging things on Jake's wall after painting it
never mind that it was painted months ago…we will get his wall stuff re-hung before August 10! sothere.

-school room clean out and re-organization

-making a gargantuan Costco trip
(iLOVEbeingwellstocked)

-have at least one, preferably two pajama days
i have no idea how this whole summer has so far been one that has not yet afforded me the luxury of one single solitary  "stayathomedoabsolutelynothinganddon'tgetdressedday"

~stacey