{what I know and what I don't}

We are in bed, snug as bugs at 8:38 p.m.

We lead a wild life.

Brad has a WWII documentary on, and in an effort to focus on the words I want to put on paper, I have my ear buds in with my ever faithful Pride and Prejudice Film Score Pandora station playing.
It's a winner every.single.time.

The Saturday after the first full week of school is heaven. It's that first after summer realization of, "oh yeah, I remember how this works...I can do this. It's five days of mach 80 but then we get a few hours to regroup before we repeat the mach 80 thing." Even if Saturday is all work, it's still a break. 

Brad and I spent the first hour of the day over coffee, (it's where I get all my words out, he kindly listens to al my woes and worries, and we solve every problem known to man) then we moved to the basement to do a quick but massive purge of randomness. There's not much I love more than a good clean out. Big kids have homework and younger two do their best to stay out of sight, because being seen means potentially being put to work.

A couple things I've been reminded of recently.

None of us like the hard parts of life...the unpleasant bits.
Nobody wants the uncomfortable, the unknown, the what ifs.
Who wants the un-fun stuff?
nobody.
Trials? Challenges? Failures?
no.thank.you.

"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1

COUNT IT ALL JOY when you fall into various trials.

Who does that? I mean really...WHO does that?

Just park it there a minute.
When is the last time you encountered something hard and you counted it all joy?

yep...same here but I am working on it. I don't want to live a life where every time I hit a speed bump I immediately press the panic button or become the proverbial ostrich with his head in the sand.

Oh and news flash....this truth also applies to your response to your kids trials and struggles.

Do you believe God for them? Do you believe He can meet them at the place of their need?

Their academic struggles.
Their self worth struggles.
Their friendship struggles.
Their people pleaser struggles.
Their strong will struggles.

All that...if we don't take God at His Word for our kids, then what are we doing?
Take heart and rest in that! 
God meets us at our point of need. What good news.

~~~~~~~~~

I don't claim to know as much as I used to.

I am ever more confident in who God is. He is good and He is trustworthy.
I am less dependent on myself and my own abilities in every way.

No matter how I try, I miss it sometimes.
I may or may not hear correctly what He is saying. 
I ask for direction, but don't always get what I want (what I want is handwriting on a wall).
I'm not sure about the difference between what He directs and what He allows and how many things we blame on Him, when really, we just made a choice that dictated a given result. 
I don't have answers for why certain people are afflicted with disabilities, addictions, mental illness or sickness. 
There are a lot of things I can't make right in my head...things that I'm learning to be content to place in the category of "I have no idea."

I can't tell you how many times my prayers begin with, 
"God help me"
or
"Lord, please  fill me with humility."
or
"God I have absolutely no idea what is going on, but You do."

pretty basic start to prayer for a gal who's been a Believer for a good number of years, 
but I'm telling you, without Him I am sunk.

What do I know? 

I know some good stuff. I know Psalm 103:10-14 
"He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities...
Great is His steadfast love towards those who fear Him;...
For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."

Read that Psalm in it's entirety...it's a guaranteed encouragement. 

I know that God is near to the broken-hearted.
That He is tender towards His children.
That He never leaves or forsakes them.

I know that His plans are big, that they will not be thwarted.

While His plans are big, He also knows when a sparrow falls to the ground. (Matt 10:29)
He is intimately concerned with the details of our lives and He covers us.

He uses the ordinary and extraordinary hard things to accomplish His purposes and to mold and shape us.

I'm certain that He doesn't wring His hands over anything. 
"God stretches the northern sky over empty space and hangs the earth on nothing." 

Job 26 doesn't indicate a fretful nor an indifferent God.

I know that God is not impressed with your outside...too many Christians fall into perceived spirituality when God cuts right through all that and is ONLY INTERESTED IN YOUR HEART.
That is both comforting and terrifying. 
Ask the Lord to check your motives and purify your heart.

I know that I can have every awesome power, gifting, or character quality, 
but if I don't have love, then I am nothing.
NOTHING.
People in the Christian sector are pretty impressed with wisdom, prophetic gifting, knowledge, faith, generosity, and sacrifice. 
Having the willingness to love, even and especially when it's hard, trumps all the above. 
Crazy, isn't it?
(1Cor.13)

If God has enough love and grace for me, then He has enough for you, no matter your current circumstance or your past failures or hurts.

I can't make everything okay and I think maybe I'm learning to accept that fact. 
There's a lot of freedom and joy that comes from understating that you can't fix everything.

Don't waver on the truth of God's word. 
Put humility and love at the top of the "to do" list.
There's safety there. 

~stacey