~ThoughtsOnParentingWhenYouFeelIndadequate~

I hate lies.

blatant ones

subtle ones

verbal or non

I hate them all.

I especially hate when people are quick to believe lies.

{whether about themselves or about each other}

In John 8, Jesus calls the devil the father of lies…which gives me FULL permission to despise them~

Because of God's goodness in the lives of my parents, they faithfully taught me some invaluable life lessons.

There were two root concepts that were foundational for the million things we talked about as a family for 30+ years.

~Truth and Motive~

As far as I know, there was never a formal discussion about those two things being root teachings, but they were like threads of silk, woven in and out of discussions for as long as I can remember.

The expressed or implied question of truth and motive never went away…NEVER...and it's shocking how many things can be dealt with just by examining truth vs. lies, and the motives of your heart.

One lie that seems to lurk every once in a while in or around my head is a real humdinger.

It habitually makes an appearance just before the school year starts.

The emails, alerts, texts, and reminders start.
August becomes squares of more pencil marks and asterisks than white paper. (I prefer June's squares which are mostly blank with a few "swimming" or "vacation" scribbled in)
My palms get sweaty.
The deadlines…the early mornings.
The chronic running behind schedule, deadlines or due dates.
I get nauseous with the daunting, looming task (that I love so much) of mothering and teaching school to my four people…of keeping the house, of getting everyone to and from where they have to be on time…of covering all the bases. (because it's hard. it sucks the life out of me. as it is supposed to.)
Not to mention the responsibility I feel to teach them how to have good character, to look past behavior and really shepherd their hearts, and to give them more than just a glimpse of Jesus.  
HOW do you do all that? 
Don't you wish there was a manual?

So this lie…

"You are inadequate, Stacey. You're just not enough. You're bound to forget, leave out, or ignore some critical child rearing "must" and your kids seriously may not turn out…because you will fall short. You are a big. fat. failure."

in·ad·e·quate

inˈadikwət/

adjective
lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose
synonyms: insufficient, deficient, poor, scant, scanty, scarce, sparse, in short supply;

if I ever stay there

if I ever take a seat on the stump of inadequacy, I'm a goner.

It's a lie that is totally debilitating.

If I ever give in, if I ever allow myself to believe this untruth, I do one of two things:

1. Start frantically grasping at every law, suggestion, principle, scheduling rules, planning musts, and strategies of successful parenting there has ever been in the history of all the world ever….x10 to ensure that I DO IT ALL CORRECTLY OR AT LEAST DIE TRYIN'.

~or~

2. I throw up my hands and sing a nice long version of , "Que Sera Sera"
Pshh. I mean, really, what can I possibly do?
I can't guarantee anything, so I am tapping out.
whatever, dude.

Neither 1 or 2 are reasonable options. 

#1 is ridiculously stressful and man pleasing and #2 is downright lazy.

So, after 18 or so hours of internal stress that kept building and building to the point that the tension was all over my face, I just stopped.

I had the house to myself for an hour, which is nothing short of miraculous.

I got quiet.

I got honest.

I filleted open my heart before the Lord.

~truth~

and said out loud what I knew to be the root, the honest issue of my heart.

~motive~

"Lord, I feel inadequate. like I'm not enough. i'm terrified of not doing something that i should do as it relates to training/loving these four people you have loaned/entrutsted to me."


Then just as faint as a whisper, He spoke to my heart. 
Not so much in a "thou shalt…" sort of voice,
but it was more that He simply, quietly reminded me of two things.

Two things that I heard years ago relating specifically to child rearing.
Two things that I've ruminated on over and over and over again ever since.

~Enjoy your kids~ 

~Raise your kids in God's presence~ 

It's almost as if He, knowing my need for simplicity, was saying,

"Remember those two things that Dudley and Cathy said? You didn't hear those by accident. Those words were branded in your heart and mind for a reason. Trust Me to do My work in the hearts of Jake, Reese, Avery, and Emma. Enjoy them. Enjoy who they are…their uniqueness, their strengths, their oddities, and yes, help them with their weaknesses, but never loose sight of enjoying them. They are, after all, MINE.
Let them see you  in relationship with Me. If you are abiding in me, looking after the relationship you and I share, you will in turn, give them more than a glimpse of Me."

So, with God as my help, that is what I will do. 

The lists, the rules, the must do's…all that is secondary to my two things.
Enjoy and Raise them in His presence.

It's a mistake to underestimate the act of enjoying your kids.
This means, maybe you don't get in a complete wad when that toddler embarrasses you with a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, or maybe you don't get all worked up about the hairstyle your 14 year old wants. Maybe an A in that class isn't as important as that good choice they made in a difficult situation. Maybe you don't freak out when they don't do it all just exactly right. 
You are a guide, a helper, a teacher, a trainer, a discipliner, a protector….not a controller.

It's a mistake to underestimate  the idea of rearing children in God's presence. This means you, Mom, actually spend time in the Word, you actually pray, you pray hard, specifically for the hearts of your kids, you repent when you mess up, you say yes to only what you're supposed to say yes to, and you say no to all the rest. 

YOU are called to do your part
to be obedient 
to parent YOUR children
only YOU can hear God on the way to best parent your brood.
So listen, consider what you're doing and why you are doing it.


I am SO thankful that:
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

His grace covers me. It covers my insufficiencies, my weaknesses, my shortcomings, and flaws. 
By His grace and mercy, my kids will see Him in spite of me. 
If He doesn't come through, 
if He doesn't capture the hearts of my kids, then we are all sunk.

I choose to drop my anchor at the truth of His faithfulness.
I will camp out there.
His love never fails.

 

~stacey