~TheSecret~

Brad called me about noon. 

I could tell by his breathing that he was on his typical lunch break treadmill run. 

"Hey, what do you want to do tonight? This morning God reminded me to be intentional with the kids. I want them to remember especially summers as being fun with me."

I'm always excited for "family fun night" so I quickly agreed. 

We settled on supper out and the game Taboo on the back porch complete with milkshakes.
(Our kids are easily entertained and excited about pretty much anything, thank goodness)

Bellies were full, game board was out and ready.

aaannndddd, cue marital conflict. 

…..good timing, right?!

for the sake of fairness, (he is sure to read this!) and utter honesty, and an effort to keep it simple, let me just say that Brad can be short tempered and I can be stubborn. 

That's really all you need to know. 

He said this, I said that, he said some more, and I got really quiet. 

Since there's just no fooling a 12, 10, or 8 year old and since the can of worms got opened, we just had to dump it all out right there on the porch, on this otherwise Hallmark moment kind of evening.

After a couple minutes of hashing it out, and some semi fake "I'm sorries", we started the game with our happy faces on. 

As I was sitting there, and we all started laughing at how on earth you are supposed to get your team member to say the word "yawn" without saying sleepy, mouth, tired, wide, bed, or nap, I looked at Brad and in my heart, simply...

~GAVE UP~

I relinquished my right to be right, to pout, and to be mad.

It struck me, there on that beautiful, breezy night, that Hallmark moments are great, but Norman Rockwell moments are even better. 
You know? 
The ones that aren't all flowers, hearts, and rainbows.
They're maybe a little messy but so familiar.

Real life sometimes brings out the real ugly.

That's true across the board. 

It's true of your parents, your neighbor, your pastor, your Facebook friend you haven't seen in 15 years, and your ________. (fill in the blank)

After 17 years of marriage, I don't know everything but this I do know.

If you really see your partner as your only option, if you are committed to doing life with him, 
then the only choice you have is forgiveness.

he is your only option.
for a companion~
for a lover~
for a co-parent~
he is IT.

It really does no good to think could've should've would've…..especially with the petty stuff.
I daresay, most of our "stuff" is petty stuff. 

I don't like being unhappy, nor does my other half, so the quicker we forgive, the better off we are.

I could've held on last night, to...
"gosh, you're a jerk!"
He could have cussed me for what a stubborn woman I am.

But I didn't.

And he didn't.

I let go.

And he let go.

We both extended grace to each other and we both won.


That's the secret.

And on a side note, it's good for our kids to learn how to argue, to see parents "fight clean",  to learn how to be honest without saying things they regret and can't get back, without stuffing everything, and without running, jumping in a hole, or burying their head in the sand. 
I'm not afraid of my kids seeing a little ugly as long as they see a whole lot of pretty.

"Love covers a multitude of sins"

~stacey