~A Story About A Loser And Some Grace~

There once was a mother
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do.
Okay, so, she lived in a house actually, 
but blamed her occasional crazy brain on her four sweet, but oh so busy little chickens.
One day, three weeks before the date, 8 year old Daughter got the cutest invitation from her sweet, Mother approved, most wonderful little school friend. 
Friend's birthday party was on Saturday, June 28. It was tennis and swimming. 
An event not to be missed.
8 year olds, may I remind you, think birthday parties are the best things in life.
Daughter, who loves Friend oh so much, talked and planned for weeks.
What to wear, what gift to purchase…
"Mother, she is just so sweet. I do love her so."
At last, the day came.
It was Saturday.
Mother even told friends that she couldn't go to a play because she had the pleasure of toting Daughter to and from the much anticipated birthday party.
"When can we leave to buy Friend her gift? What do you think I should get her? Is it time to go yet?"
Mother, making lunch for two of her little chickens, replied,
"Bring me Friend's invitation so I can decide what time we need to leave."
The invitation was as cute as anything she'd ever seen. 
Pink and green.
Cute little tennis rackets on the front.
She smiles to herself because she knows how excited Daughter is and scans down for the address.
Come celebrate….blah blah…tennis….swimming….blah blah….
and then…..
oh…..then…….
NO!!
Her heart drops to her feet.
Her hand covers her mouth, her eyes close in horror.
"What, mother? What?!"
"Oh, Daughter! Oh. My. Word."
Daughter's eyes well up with tears…….and two really big ones, the size that only come from crocodiles, drop to her perfect, rosy little cheeks.
"Did I miss it?"
Mother is fighting tears herself. Could she BE any more lame?
"Baby, it was yesterday. I am a loser and I am so so so very sorry. It was last night……and all this time I thought it was today!! I am so sorry. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry."
Mother grasps Daughter, who is prone to emotional adventures anyway, into her arms, and braces herself for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that is sure to follow.
She feels sick herself. I mean, let's face it.
She is NOT winning Mother of the Year 2014.
She has missed this award several years in a row, now…..once for leaving Son at church.
About 24 seconds pass.
Daughter, with arms still around Mother, looks up with her sparkling, glistening green eyes and says,
"It's okay." 
"It really isn't okay." Mother replies.
Daughter smiles.
"It's okay, Mother. You know I forgive you."
Stunned Mother knows what a miracle this is for this particular Daughter who does NOT like surprises and does NOT do well when things don't go as planned.
"Thank you, Darling. You're right. It IS okay. I promise to get a play date with sweet Friend before school."
"Okay! Is Sister upstairs? I want to go play with her."
Mother was completely humbled by the grace extended to her by her daughter.
Grace given when it was difficult.
Evidence of God working in the heart of her child…..is there anything better?
And they all lived happily ever after……..in complete imperfection, full of mess-ups, mistakes, and I'm-sorries. 

~stacey

~behinder~

As a wise lady once said,

"The more I do, the behinder I get."

That. Is. All.

hApPy tHuRSdaY, Friends.

It's a good day.

~stacey

~OnRearingChildren~

The kids had been begging, as they do about once a year, to get out the old video camera to watch things we recorded when they were small.
I pulled the bag off my closet shelf and sat down in the keeping room to get everything hooked up to the t.v.
I instantly smiled as I pulled out this gigantic thing that when we bought it, was so sleek and small. State of the art, it was.
Now it's heavy and bulky, is about twice the size of our current smarter sleeker video recorder, and looks absolutely ancient.
We plug it in, hit play and the kids start giggling and nudging each other with every silly or nostalgic thing.
Maybe it was the year, or just my emotional state, but whatever the reason, I was nothing but water works. I don't think I have ever cried watching home movies. I just don't. 
Don't get me wrong. I cherish previous years and have fond memories of my life in the midwest with little ones, but I love where we are now and don't usually feel particularly emotional about yesterday.
But today was different.
Jake was 4, Reese was 2, and Avery was a crawler.
After about 15 minutes watching, all I could think was,
"Man! They haven't changed at all.  Not one little bit. They are they exact same people. Just bigger!"
The mannerisms
the temperaments
the eyes
the personalities
the tendencies
the strengths
the weaknesses
are astoundingly unchanged.
I could see them then and I see them now.
Reese looks at me now exactly like she looked at me then. Her eyes sparkle and her sweet little mouth is the same.
Jake tells me things in the same tone today that he did way back when. He wants my approval. 
And Avery was her own person before she could even walk.  She still walks to the beat of her own drum as an 8 year old like nobody's business.

I was struck by these three and their vast differences even at those young ages. And the fact that they came into this world with those things that make them them.

Whether you have one child, or four, or nineteen, you have been given the task of rearing these little people.

rear

verb (used with object)

1.

to take care of and support up to maturity: to rear a child.

3.

to raise by building; erect.

4.

to raise to an upright position: to rear a ladder.

5.

to lift or hold up; elevate; raise.

To raise to an upright position. 
To build.
To support to maturity.

When I think about something  being built, I think about the architect who designed the structure. 
He's the guy behind the desk. 
He is the visionary. 
He sees the finished product in all it's splendor.
He knows what it takes to bring the thing to fruition and considers every detail from start to finish.
BUT. 
He passes off his precious blueprints to the builders.
These guys.
They are the ones in the trenches.
Hard hats on. 
Sweating and exhausted. 
Working day in and day out. 
They can't afford to quit and must be faithful in the details.

Moms and Dads……we are the builders.
These kids God has entrusted to us, have been designed by the Chief Architect. 
If He has given them to us, then He has also equipped us with the things we need to rear them. 
To bring them to a place of standing on their own.
To build.
To love…..even when they embarrass us.
To not give up on.
To not quit on.
To pray for.
To pay attention to how they are wired and to be patient with the things that haunt them.
To be on them like "white on rice" with what they have access to on their cell phones and the televisions and computers in your home. 
To be strong enough to be tough when needed and to have the sensitivity to extend grace when they mess up. 
I said grace.
Not a license.
Trust me, there's a huge difference in the two.

Love your kids individually. 
Talk to them about their own personal "weirdnesses" and help them combat those things that could otherwise become hinderances in their walk to maturity.
Affirm them…..warts and all.
For heaven's sake, don't compare them.
They must decide how to live, but by God's grace, let's equip them well.
The choice is theirs but let's be faithful builders.

Just this morning, I was prompted to make prayer cards for each of my kids.
I sat down with my Bible and asked the Lord to give me verses to pray over them and began to list some specific things that I want to be intentional in praying for faithfully. 
This is just how miraculous my God is.
In my head, I said, 
"Okay, God. Help me. I want to do a better job praying for the kids. What do you want for Jake?"
I opened my Bible to 2 Kings.
Yes, 2 Kings, I said. 
I mean, what's even in that book besides a lot of names I can't pronounce?
I just happened to find this gem:
(the verse I will pray over my son for the rest of my life)

I've got another for Reese, and am working on/waiting for my other two.

Hang in there and don't quit. 
God has given your kids to you for a reason.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 1:6

~stacey

~JustAFewThings~

I had the chance to spend a few days away with just my 10 year old, Reese.
Though technically I spent way more time alone than I did with her.
Gymnastics camp was an all day heaven as far as she was concerned.

I took naps.
I shopped.
I ate.
I took more naps.

In all my time driving through campus and around this neat college town, I learned a few things.

1. Apparently shortie shorts are back in.……FOR GUYS. They weren't cute way back when and guess what? They still aren't.

2. 12 hours completely alone for two whole days is awesome for about 3 hours. Then it gets a little boring.

3. Never complain about the boredom. It is short lived!

4. Naps in a hotel room are the best naps in the whole world.

5. Eating out with only one child is WAY cheaper than four. I mean, there are no words.

6. Wal-Mart is Wal-Mart wherever you go. A quaint little town doesn't make that place even the tiniest bit more appealing.

7. Nine out of ten times, I am decidedly too cheap practical to buy "fun" shoes. But if I weren't, these yellow ballet flats would have come home with me.
Now, these black babies on the other hand…. Aerosoles …..and if that puts me in the category of the elderly, then call me Mawmaw because they are c.o.m.f.o.r.t.a.b.l.e.
Did I buy them? You bet I did.
……..and now that I'm looking at them again……..I should have bought the yellow ones too.
Instead of buyer's remorse, I have resistor's remorse.

8. College students don't even bother looking left or right at a crosswalk. They apparently own the roads, or at least the part with big white stripes that go all the way across. Never mind that I'm driving a 1 ton Suburban. It's a weird thing.

And this. 

It's the tiniest souvenir that I knew she would love. 

I, however, do not.

Happy SumMerTimE on This cloudy, cozy June evening.  

~stacey

~TheSecret~

Brad called me about noon. 

I could tell by his breathing that he was on his typical lunch break treadmill run. 

"Hey, what do you want to do tonight? This morning God reminded me to be intentional with the kids. I want them to remember especially summers as being fun with me."

I'm always excited for "family fun night" so I quickly agreed. 

We settled on supper out and the game Taboo on the back porch complete with milkshakes.
(Our kids are easily entertained and excited about pretty much anything, thank goodness)

Bellies were full, game board was out and ready.

aaannndddd, cue marital conflict. 

…..good timing, right?!

for the sake of fairness, (he is sure to read this!) and utter honesty, and an effort to keep it simple, let me just say that Brad can be short tempered and I can be stubborn. 

That's really all you need to know. 

He said this, I said that, he said some more, and I got really quiet. 

Since there's just no fooling a 12, 10, or 8 year old and since the can of worms got opened, we just had to dump it all out right there on the porch, on this otherwise Hallmark moment kind of evening.

After a couple minutes of hashing it out, and some semi fake "I'm sorries", we started the game with our happy faces on. 

As I was sitting there, and we all started laughing at how on earth you are supposed to get your team member to say the word "yawn" without saying sleepy, mouth, tired, wide, bed, or nap, I looked at Brad and in my heart, simply...

~GAVE UP~

I relinquished my right to be right, to pout, and to be mad.

It struck me, there on that beautiful, breezy night, that Hallmark moments are great, but Norman Rockwell moments are even better. 
You know? 
The ones that aren't all flowers, hearts, and rainbows.
They're maybe a little messy but so familiar.

Real life sometimes brings out the real ugly.

That's true across the board. 

It's true of your parents, your neighbor, your pastor, your Facebook friend you haven't seen in 15 years, and your ________. (fill in the blank)

After 17 years of marriage, I don't know everything but this I do know.

If you really see your partner as your only option, if you are committed to doing life with him, 
then the only choice you have is forgiveness.

he is your only option.
for a companion~
for a lover~
for a co-parent~
he is IT.

It really does no good to think could've should've would've…..especially with the petty stuff.
I daresay, most of our "stuff" is petty stuff. 

I don't like being unhappy, nor does my other half, so the quicker we forgive, the better off we are.

I could've held on last night, to...
"gosh, you're a jerk!"
He could have cussed me for what a stubborn woman I am.

But I didn't.

And he didn't.

I let go.

And he let go.

We both extended grace to each other and we both won.


That's the secret.

And on a side note, it's good for our kids to learn how to argue, to see parents "fight clean",  to learn how to be honest without saying things they regret and can't get back, without stuffing everything, and without running, jumping in a hole, or burying their head in the sand. 
I'm not afraid of my kids seeing a little ugly as long as they see a whole lot of pretty.

"Love covers a multitude of sins"

~stacey

~RufflesOnTheBottom~

Dear Three Big Kids,

I just want to give you fair notice that there is a disproportionate number of pictures of E on this quick trip to the beach. 

It's not about my thinking any one of you are cuter or sweeter than the other. 

I don't think that.

It's not that I love any one of you more than the other. 

It's a simple matter. 

She has 4 year old cuteness. 

It's the chubby legs and ruffled bottom. 

And let's face it. 

Ruffled bottoms are irresistible. 

I love you all……but none of you will let me put you in ruffled bottoms. so there.

Love,

Mom

big sister says, "emma, do not do that pose. it is silly."

little sister holds that pose harder than ever.

she thinks her pose is awesome.

~catching waves just her size~

she met a friend. she felt the need to give her surfing lessons. 

"well, duh."…..as she would say.

~stacey