ToLiveLoved: ~14 Years~

Saturday, June 11, 2011

~14 Years~

Saturday, June 11, 2011

~14 Years~

14 years ago I took a chance. With every thing I knew about Brad, I loved a good man but I also knew that only time reveals everything about a person.

Let's be honest. Marriage is a crap shoot. But being head over heels, I rolled the dice and gambled on the hopes that the man I would commit my life to would always love me.

I remember writing him a note asking him never to change. "Promise me you won't get tired of me." I pleaded. "Tell me I won't get boring or become 'old hat' to you. Will you like me after I have a baby or when I look older?"

Here I sit, six moves, 10 and half years of school shocked

, four children, and a whole lot of laughter and tears later, thankful to say that yes, he still loves me. He even likes me still.

The other day, I pulled out my little keepsake box of stuff from when we were dating. The first thing I found made me smile. If you know me, you know I'm a list person. ~A planner.~ Always have been. If it's not written down, there's a good chance it won't happen. In 1994, at the ripe old age of 19, I wasn't dating anyone and decided to write down things that I knew would matter to me. Things I would do my best to find out about the guy I would marry. Maybe my list was a little naive, because it's only by God's grace that I got what I thought I was getting. I'm still amazed at how much Brad is what I wrote down.

First on the list was, "Must be a hard worker."

He spent an entire summer in the sweltering heat of south Georgia raking pine straw. He made his own baler, sold, delivered, and put out straw. He took me to dinner with the money he made, but hid most of it in a sock in the top of his closet. He would just smile and tell me he was saving it. Now, I rarely look at my engagement ring without seeing pine straw, Brad's big red pick-up truck, his sweat stained t-shirt, dirty khaki pants, and usual smiling face. I would drive out sometimes and watch him rake and bale, rake and bale, rake and bale. I don't remember him ever being grouchy amidst all the gnats, mosquitoes, and humidity. He was a man on a mission.

The rest of my list pertained to character issues. Things like did he have integrity, would he value his family, did he practice self-control whether or not people were watching? Yes, yes, and yes.

We had been dating only a month or so when we had our first serious conversation. I knew he was leaving for Auburn that fall and I didn't want to be a long distance pain in the neck for him. If he wanted to date and have the "college experience", I would certainly understand that. Of course, that meant I would be a little more guarded and would have definitely put the brakes on a bit. I remember when I said that, he was a little horrified at the thought and quickly said,

"No. What I want is right here in front of me. I don't want to look around."

I still love that. He saw no value in "playing the field". He was decisive about me and still is.

It's impossible to sum up 14 years of marriage in one xanga post. But I can tell you where I started and where I am at the present.

I started off excited, young, infatuated, eager, half ignorant, full of mystery, scared, poor, madly in love, and certain I was marrying the right guy.

Now, I am hopeful, satisfied, content, not quite so ignorant, settled, full of warm memories and hilarious stories. We are rich in blessings and I am deeply in love. ~Deep. Not mad.~ There is a difference. I am loved by someone who knows every stretch mark on my body. He tells me to smile and points out where my wrinkles will be. He thinks I look pretty first thing in the morning. We both have a few battle scars.

Have we hurt each other? Yes.

Have I said things I regret? Yes.

Have I ever been so mad at him I could have spit nails? Absolutely Yes.

Does he leave dirty sock in the den floor? MmHmm.

Am I still certain I married the right guy? You bet.