ToLiveLoved: ~heart~

Sunday, September 09, 2012

~heart~

I've seen more of my kids' hearts in the last week than I have in a while.

I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out and for them to turn in to monsters that I can hardly stand but so far, I actually like them. I'm sure when hormones come into play, I'll be in a little deeper but I just love who they are.

When we have these moments, and they are usually accidental and tend to follow a difficult situation, but these moments where I feel like I'm looking right through their eyes, into their little hearts, I'm always amazed.

Learning to tell the truth....even when you REALLY don't want to.

She breaks something, cries herself to sleep over it because she can't bring herself to tell me until the next morning.

Uniform is on, Mama's making lunches.

Big brown eyes brimming with tears, "Mom. I broke the criddle."

"The criddle? What's a criddle?!"

"You know that little bed Grandpa made for our dolls?"

"Oh. The baby doll cradle? Were you standing in it, like I've told you not to?"

"No ma'am. I tripped over it getting into bed. I didn't want to tell you last night because I didn't want you to get mad."

"Baby, when you kicked a hole in the wall, did anyone get mad?"

"No ma'am."

"Okay then. We don't get mad over most childish mistakes. You told me and that's what matters. I'm sure Grandpa can fix it. It's all good! Let's get on with our morning....don't be sad, we can fix it."

I got so tickled over the word criddle. Crib and cradle come out criddle, apparently. We had JUST had a conversation about that doll bed because I caught the child standing in it! I went on and on about what I sentimental treasure it was because of who made it, so of course, because of her tender heart, she was mortified to break anything Grandpa had made.

Jake, God bless him, is just a tad forgetful and disorganized. Part of it is genetics and part of it is 10 year old boy.

But great land of goshen. Tuesday alone, this boy of mine forgot his lunch, three books going to school and one book coming home.

He had an awful time with a pop quiz the week before in science, so I had been asked to meet with his teacher to "help Jake succeed in science." I got nervous just thinking about it.

Wednesday was the single worst school day I've ever had with my children. I ended the academic day at 3:45 and felt like I needed a shot of valium. No kidding.

It wasn't an "i'mgoingtojumpoffabridgeorpullyourhairout" kind of day, but more of a "holycowi'mahugefailureandwanttohideinmyclosetandnotcomeoutforthreedays" kind of day.

I mean, I was ready to grab them by the nape of the neck, walk into the nearest school and say, "hereyago. i have three kids that need an education from somebody besides me."

Anyhoo.....this meeting. I was sure I was going to cry because, let's face it. I teach my kids three days a week so if they are all dismal failures, it's got to be my fault, right?

I mean it's all on me! Never mind the fact that I'm not an idiot, nor am I a slacker, nor am I not working my tail off trying to educate my children!

Quite unexpectedly, I left there teary eyed, yes, but with joy and gratefulness. This teacher and principal were unbelievable. Not only did they affirm that I was doing exactly what I should be, but they encouraged me like nobody else could. They listened intently as I told them how much Jake desired to please and how he got in the car shaking and crying because he realized he'd forgotten his books. They were interested in who my son is and what his strengths and weaknesses are.

The principal is a mother of three grown sons. She knows boys and said this,

"5th and 6th grade are years I want you to NOT worry about grades. This is a time for these boys to learn executive skills. We specifically design these years at this school as a time for especially boys, to learn how to be organized and to think on their own....How to be prepared and to get their work done. That's what we are after. I taught middle school for years and could pick out the boys that would fall through the cracks because nobody helped them learn to be independent and to plan to be successful. So, maybe Jake is forgetful and struggles to be organized. That's his weakness and it's a part of how God made him. You have to be okay with that and we are all going to help him in this area. He's going to be fine. I spent three years frustrated with my son in middle school. He's 35 now and somewhere along the way, everything clicked."

Jake had a huge science test over Unit 1 a couple hours after that meeting that we were both so nervous about. I got an email that evening. He made a 97 on that test!! I don't typically talk about grades good or bad but this 97 was earned through blood, sweat, and tears on both our parts and deserves a little recognition.

AND I learned that nitrogen makes up 78% of the atmosphere, that nodules are little bumps on legumes that contain nitrogen fixing bacteria so that plants and animals can benefit from nitrogen, AND that a peanut plant, along with several other types of plant are legumes. laughing

I'm a little smarter than I was a month ago, and I've learned a little more about these little people God has entrusted to me. Good month. Really excited about fall break that is coming soon but good month.

This easy weekend was a blissful ending to a week full of growth and challenges.

Family was here, Mom got my fall decorations put in place, she helped me make two beautiful wreaths for my door, we had a shower for Abby and her old friend, Rebekah, and my two big kids were baptized today by a dear friend. The Lord knew I needed a weekend like this one.