ToLiveLoved: ~June Cleaver~A Stalemate & Some Pictures~

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

~June Cleaver~A Stalemate & Some Pictures~

I've been thinking a lot about my role as a wife and mother. It's not like I qualify as a newlywed but I hope to get better and better as I age...ahem....mature.

I remember before I got married, while living in the euphoric bliss of young love,

wondering if in the years to come, this man I was going to marry would eventually grow tired of me.How would we change with time? I knew life wasn't a fairytale but I refused to believe things had to go sour or become a bore after a certain number of anniversaries. Here I am, 12 years later, fully aware of what real love looks like. The ups and downs.... the romantic encounters and "you drive me crazy" moments.... the deepest "I love you" and the regretful word spoken in anger....all of it defines this crazy little thang called love!

By God's grace and a really, really good man, I love where I am and with whom I am walking through life.
(In an effort to keep it real, just as I was typing that last sentence, Brad called me with how much it's going to cost to get disability insurance for him. I almost had a duck, my stomach tightened and I am now perspiring! So, while I do love where I am, I won't mind when the school loans are paid off and there's a little less pressure! Better yet, I will choose contentment, TRUST Him and not fret over things I can't control. How 'bout that?! Wow. Okay, back to it)So! My role as a wife. I've come to the conclusion that the feminist movement has to a degree, infiltrated even the conservative. Not completely but in small, subtle ways....in attitude and response if nothing else.I always wonder what goes wrong first in failed marriages. Is it the small things or that one, monumental offense? Or both, maybe.

In one of my favorite romantic comedies, a couple had gotten divorced but remained friends of sorts. Years later, the man asked his ex-wife, "What happened with us? Did I just not see you?" She is floored and responds, "No. You didn't." He then apologizes and they laugh about how long it took them to identify that one misstep.Recently Brad and I had been discussing some things that kept re-surfacing and had reached a stalemate. We were in our den, had talked til we were cross-eyed, were completely bogged down in the details and weren't making enough progress to feel like we were really dealing with the heart of the issue.

Then the light came on.
The bottom line.
The summarizing statement that would lead to perfect clarity and freedom.

I decidedly and almost excitedly declared,
"The BOTTOM line is that YOU aren't LOVING ME and I am not RESPECTING YOU!!!"
(I am NOT addressing marriages where only one person is trying. It's a two way street and for any one person left to navigate both sides one their own, God bless you.)After that epiphany, I began to mull over the image of the 1950's wife (you know...June Cleaver

) and the stark differences in the wife of 2009.
(I hope I need not say it, but for the record, YES, I believe in equal rights for everyone, I do not fetch my husband's slippers and pipe while he leisurely reads the paper, and I do not believe any woman should take abuse in any form. OH and I do not usually make a hot breakfast and nor do I smile and say, "Yes, Dear." every time I am addressed!)What comes first.....the husband loving or the wife respecting? Don't know.
I can only deal with my part and this is it. Do I find joy and satisfaction in finding ways to be a help meet for Brad? Do I grow weary of constantly being needed? (Of course I do, BUT, when I'm at that point, do I find strength and satisfaction in knowing this is a vital part of my calling in life?) Do I spend more time thinking about things he needs to do better than I do thinking of ways to encourage and build him up?I know for a fact that when I am most concerned about making myself happy, I am anything but. When I am looking out for myself, demanding that MY needs get met, things go downhill fast. On the other hand, when I choose selflessness and an attitude of service towards Brad, not only am I the most content but I am amazed at the way he responds to me.
It doesn't take much to make him tick. A hug, "Do you need anything?", any little gesture that lets him know I'm thinking about him does amazing things. I hesitate to even publish this because I feel like I have so much growing to do in this area.

I think after time and multiple children, you have to be intentional in not loosing your marriage in the midst of family. You need to re-visit the idea of taking care of each other.

As for my role as a Mother, I don't have the energy to go there tonight. As far as the children are concerned, today has been a day full of joy but also, with more than one issue, I have been left quivering to the point of tears over what a faith walk parenting is. My resolution today is that rearing children is not for the faint of heart! This is a blog for another day.It's Christmas and I love it.