Friday, September 25, 2009
Loss.I don't think it's possible to completely put yourself in a position other than the one you are currently in. I guess if you've walked through an exact experience then you can truly say, "I know how you feel".A couple days ago, friends from medical school lost their 2 year old twin boys. These sweet people tried for years before being able to conceive and deliver a baby. Asa and Elijah were born at 26 weeks gestation. I remember reading their family blog as they made frequent posts about the ups and downs that come with premature births. I thought it was so miraculous when I read that they were taking them home. Two little miracles... And now they're gone. Their passing was the result of a freak, bizarre accident that you can't explain, understand, or make sense of. These parents are forever changed. As I've been mulling over this in the last week, so many things have run through my mind. First, I can't begin to imagine the pain. The emptiness. Devastating. I can, however, imagine the power and grace of my God. I shudder to think of the horrid emotions a parent experiences after such trauma, but I know enough of God's character to know he's not afraid of our emotions. He can handle it. A couple days ago, I was in the car, praying under my breath. Praying for comfort for this family. I felt dissatisfied in my prayer. Comfort is of course relevant but it wasn't enough. I kept having this sense that something more was needed. Something critical. Then guess Who spoke to my heart?. Sitting here, typing this, tears well up because I am so amazed that I serve a God who actually speaks to me. I'm not worthy in my flesh of that privilege but still, He does. This I know: When He speaks, it changes things. His voice is that life raft in the middle of the turmoil. And let's face it, if it's a really dark time, that's ALL that gets you through.  So, I began to ask God to not be silent. For this mother, in particular, whose every moment has been 100 % consumed by her children, to hear a voice that gives her a tiny glimmer of hope. Hope in the TRUTH that God has a PURPOSE for her even still. Motherhood is a purpose in and of itself and I think if you don't see it that way, it's exhausting and could at times, seem insignificant. However, mothering is not all mothers are about. As long as we have breath, He has a reason for our being. She needs to know this and a person telling her won't cut it. She needs to hear it from a place of omniscience. Your purpose gets you out of bed. And bless her heart, humanly speaking, that simple task would seem unbearable after such a loss. So, sometime this weekend, please say a prayer on behalf of this couple. It's a heavy burden to bear and I hate for anyone to experience such devastation. Hug your children extra hard tonight. Don't feel guilty for a good day. Thank Him for it. Rejoice in the fact that He is faithful. That He promises grace. And that He doesn't break His promises. Don't let the small stuff entangle you. Work hard to not let the little things steal even a moment of your life. 
Stacey
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