~Wrestling In The Water & Roses~

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wrestling in the Water & Roses     ~ Letting go. To date, I've had to do this VERY little with my kids. Sure, I've trusted a few other people with them, Jake's ridden his bike around the corner, out of my sight, (but only for like 5 minutes-) I've taken them to to Sunday School and VBS, even though I didn't really know the teachers, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Throughout their toddler years, I would say over and over again, "I've got it made right now. They are right here under my wing. I am their sole influence." It was cozy. I remember telling Brad at night how I loved having my three little ones right across the hall from me all tucked in their beds. I could be at any one of their sides in less than 10 steps. I've repeatedly decided that I will do a good job of letting go. However, discerning when and how to do that is not a straight forward matter. These children are on loan to me. They are little adults in the making, with a purpose assigned to them by God. They aren't MINE. I am to steward them to the best of my ability. (These are the things I routinely tell myself to get psyched up for the years to come!)  So, today, while at the pool, I noticed Jake and another boy about his size, wrestling in the water. (Which I realize is not cliff jumping or anything, but STILL! Some of these boys were years older and much bigger  AND, Jake is just now getting really good in the water.) I watched for a minute and couldn't really tell if they were friendly wrestling or mad wrestling. I walked over and figured out they were playing but still told them to knock it off. I mean, who enjoys being grabbed around the neck and dunked under water?!   Jake, being the kid he is, nodded to me and stopped immediately. I returned to my chair and watched him quietly swim over to the side where I sat. This is where the epiphany occurred. He said, "Honey, I was just playing. We were just playing. We were just going to have team mates and just play. I'll be fine." His earnest little eyes bored a whole into my heart as he asked my permission just to be let go a little. His "I'll be fine." struck me. I took the hint. He's a boy. A man in training and today, he needed to wrestle in the water! Of course, I responded with, "Sure, yeh, okay, that's fine."   Then I almost cried. DON'T say I have crazy pregnant hormones, though I do.... It was just such a tiny but real glimpse of the start of things to come. Whether I am aware of it or not, things are never in my control. With every breath, I'm trusting in Someone bigger than myself. I'm guessing that for moms, trusting Him with our children must be at least one of the most challenging walks of faith. They are HIS.....       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been a challenging month for us in lots of ways....good but not easy. I've been a single mom of sorts since Brad is finishing up his fellowship five hours away. The new town, new house, clogged toilets, half un-packed boxes, energetic puppy and Brad's being gone, on top of the ever present responsibilities of mommy-hood, cooking, laundry, and being pregnant has made for a crazy June. Stress levels have been up a tad for everyone!  The night before last, during a really great phone conversation with Brad, we aired some things that needed to be. We verbally acknowledged that we're all in a tough spot. We agreed we've got to dig down deep and just hang on. .....This too shall pass..... Yesterday, the doorbell rang. "Who could that possibly be?! I haven't had a shower yet!"  I opened the door and my jaw dropped.  A grinning florist greeted my with the most beautiful dozen red roses I've ever seen. He splurged on me.    It was an "I love you".....an unrequired display of his desire for my well being.  Thank you, baby.....you made my day! Hang in there.....only five weeks to go.