It's 3:00 in the afternoon and I'm in pajamas.
Went to church, grabbed some groceries, came back home, instantly got in "worn out exhausted cozy" mode.
It's raining.
SHOCKING, I know.
It's rained for the last 9, 847 days, so why do I expect anything different?
There is a reason I don't live in Forks, Washington, and this.is.it. (well, the rain and then there's also the vampire thing but that's a whole 'nother story)
Brad's been operating since before I got out of bed this morning. (thank.you.honey.as.we.speak.I.am.washing.your.socks.and.underwear.what.says.I.love.you.more.than.that?)
We are going to eat supper with Mom and Dad tonight….warms my hear to be able to skip over a few streets and eat bacon and eggs with them. Mom's having surgery to remove her thyroid this week. Would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined. (nodule needs to NOT be cancer)
Have been praying hard for a sweet girl who is fighting a dreadful disease.
All week, I've been crying, praying with my kids, by myself, in the car, at home, in the bed, wrestling with faith, acceptance, boldness, God's sovereignty, our responsibility to pray fervently, begging God for mercy and total healing for her body, that this nasty thing called cancer will NOT be.
Because, on occasion I think/obsess too much,
I frequently find myself in a tail spin regarding how to pray, why pray, when to pray, God's sovereign yet we are told to come boldly before His throne…all that.
I remember YEARS ago, while we lived in the midwest, starting to pray that God would increase my faith.
I just want you to know that GOD ABSOLUTELY HEARS YOUR PRAYERS.
Walking in relationship with my heavenly Father is just that….a relationship.
The longer I go, the more I'm amazed by His faithfulness.
How many times have I read the account of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane?
a.lot.
This week, I found myself here again, in Mark 14:32-42
Jesus said…
"'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.'…he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 'Father', he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'"
All these years, out of a desire to pray big, to have strong faith, to expect God to SHOW UP on behalf of His people, I think I've fallen prey to viewing the act of
asking God for healing as being a conflict with asking for His will.
Those two requests, in the same breath, in the same prayer are not conflicting requests!
If JESUS, God's own Son, can be in anguish to the point of death and BEG God to remove this cup of suffering from Him, then SO CAN I.
If, in the same breath, Jesus has the humility and willingness to accept God's will above his own, NO MATTER HOW UNDESIRABLE it may be,
then so.can.I.
God never shuns my prayers.
He never scoffs at the shortsighted, limited ridiculousness of my requests.
He is tender hearted towards His children.
The offer of eternity with Him IS HIS MERCY on His people.
I am so thankful for His grace and faithfulness in the midst of earthly crap.
I'm amazed at the Community of Believers I do life with.
People's gift-ings…how they respond to others' in need is something else to watch.
Some pray their heads off.
Some get straight to the hospital.
Some buy stuff.
Some send money.
Some organize mass group texts to get info out.
None of which compares to being the one to called upon to walk directly through the suffering,
but all of whom have an important roll to play in being "sympathetic, loving towards one another, compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3.
I just cry and buy stuff for other people to take….I can't deal with it. I'm a blubbering mess in the midst of pain.
Wish I was a little more like Heather, who cries, gets mad, empathizes, but has this crazy amazing grace filled ability to get right in the middle of it and sweat it out with you in humility and selfless compassion. Thank God for people like her.
As weird as it is, life goes on…and here's a tidbit of ours recently:
1. The leaves are everywhere, as are the raindrops.
2. The best co-Sunday School teacher ever.
3. More leaves on wet pavement. :-/
4. Nephew about to be a United States Marine. SO PROUD.
5. Daughter did so well at her first every gymnastics meet. DID NOT crumple under pressure a bit.
6. Best "big sis" at the gym. Emma adores Ellie.
7. Jake, Gabbie, and me…doing school on the porch.
8. This shirt….I NEED it. Introverts Unite.
9. The Fox Theater is always a good idea.
10. Pumpkin Patch with friends, another good idea.
11.Yes, I met Bo Jackson. BoKnowsMe (not at all but that was pretty funny, right?)
12. Family and Selfie-Sticks…..two musts.
Brad is in NONE of these pictures, but I assure you, he is alive and well…..just working a lot. a LOT.
~stacey
