ToLiveLoved

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

We were nothing but a party last Saturday. Someone asked me how old I was to which I responded, "I'm that scary age when, if you're pregnant, they want to do extra tests on the baby!" To the tests, I say, "Thanks but no thanks" and to the birthday wishes I say, "Turning one year older beats the alternative!" Every day is an absolute gift so turning 35

is a privilege.

AND! Four years ago on my birthday, we celebrated another birth day....Avery Elizabeth was born. Without digging out her baby book, I can't remember what time it was or how long she was, but I remember the unique style she arrived in.

I had been at the hospital a number of hours, maybe half the day. The sweet 70 something nurse had just checked me and told me I was just about a ten and that she was going to start getting things ready. She preceded to happily open all the sterile instruments at a reasonable, relaxed pace. I lay there and thought to myself, I kind of think this baby is moving south and that nurse better pick up the pace. Not wanting to over react, I waited a couple more seconds and tried to sound casual as I said, "You might want to check me again. Like now." She paused, like, "Okay sweetie, I'll be there in a sec." I turned to Brad and gave him that look like I mean N.O.W. He took a quick gander under the sheet, went a little pale and his eyes got as big as half dollars. He was staring at the head of our third child. The nurse had walked over by this point and immediately got panicky. Brad, (M.D. Brad, let me remind you) looked at her and asked, "What do I do?!" She was to busy fumbling for the phone to call my obstetrician to even hear the question, so I, completely astounded at this entire scenario replied, "YOU CATCH HER!" A half a second later, Brooke, the resident on call who also happens to be an angel, ran in the room just in time to reach out and grab our precious Ave as she made her debut on her mother's birthday.

To this day, she's a little spit fire. Full of expression. All or nothing. She's either really happy or really not happy. There's no guessing with her! The other day, she and big sister were given a task of cleaning up a certain room. I explained that Reese was in charge and would help her know where to put things. True to form, Avery looked at me, put her hands on her hips and said, "When I get big, I am going to be in charge of EVERYTHING!!!" Alrighty then.

~Who needs cake when there's icing?~

~ First cousins. Born three days a part. ~

Happy October!
~Stacey

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Friday, September 25, 2009

~Loss~

Friday, September 25, 2009

Loss.

I don't think it's possible to completely put yourself in a position other than the one you are currently in. I guess if you've walked through an exact experience then you can truly say, "I know how you feel".

A couple days ago, friends from medical school lost their 2 year old twin boys. These sweet people tried for years before being able to conceive and deliver a baby. Asa and Elijah were born at 26 weeks gestation. I remember reading their family blog as they made frequent posts about the ups and downs that come with premature births. I thought it was so miraculous when I read that they were taking them home. Two little miracles...

And now they're gone. Their passing was the result of a freak, bizarre accident that you can't explain, understand, or make sense of. These parents are forever changed.

As I've been mulling over this in the last week, so many things have run through my mind.

First, I can't begin to imagine the pain. The emptiness. Devastating.

I can, however, imagine the power and grace of my God. I shudder to think of the horrid emotions a parent experiences after such trauma, but I know enough of God's character to know he's not afraid of our emotions. He can handle it.

A couple days ago, I was in the car, praying under my breath. Praying for comfort for this family. I felt dissatisfied in my prayer. Comfort is of course relevant but it wasn't enough. I kept having this sense that something more was needed. Something critical. Then guess Who spoke to my heart?. Sitting here, typing this, tears well up because I am so amazed that I serve a God who actually speaks to me. I'm not worthy in my flesh of that privilege but still, He does.

This I know: When He speaks, it changes things. His voice is that life raft in the middle of the turmoil. And let's face it, if it's a really dark time, that's ALL that gets you through.

So, I began to ask God to not be silent. For this mother, in particular, whose every moment has been 100 % consumed by her children, to hear a voice that gives her a tiny glimmer of hope. Hope in the TRUTH that God has a PURPOSE for her even still. Motherhood is a purpose in and of itself and I think if you don't see it that way, it's exhausting and could at times, seem insignificant. However, mothering is not all mothers are about. As long as we have breath, He has a reason for our being. She needs to know this and a person telling her won't cut it. She needs to hear it from a place of omniscience. Your purpose gets you out of bed. And bless her heart, humanly speaking, that simple task would seem unbearable after such a loss.

So, sometime this weekend, please say a prayer on behalf of this couple. It's a heavy burden to bear and I hate for anyone to experience such devastation.

Hug your children extra hard tonight. Don't feel guilty for a good day. Thank Him for it. Rejoice in the fact that He is faithful. That He promises grace. And that He doesn't break His promises.

Don't let the small stuff entangle you. Work hard to not let the little things steal even a moment of your life.

Stacey

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Friday, September 18, 2009

~One More Little Ballerina~

Friday, September 18, 2009

	~One More Little Ballerina~ Happy Friday! I vaguely remember being this flexible. ***~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~~*** Enjoy this weekend. Every minute of it. Stacey
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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

~Tutus and TippyToes~

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tutus and TippyToes

The girls started ballet a couple weeks ago. You would've thought we were giving them the moon. They love it and I love taking them.

These pics are all Avery....Reese goes tomorrow and I'll have to take and post those this weekend. But for now, here is a sampling.

This building intrigues me. It's everything a ballet studio should be. Old, in the middle of downtown, and I have no idea what it originally was. I would love to have a conversation with the walls. :)

This child grins going in to class and grins coming out.
It's her first activity without big sister.

Just a few things I'm thankful for today:

~On lazy, overcast days like today, I can stay home.
~My kid's teachers. God was all over that. :)
~Inspirations like my neighbor. (A "30 something" widow with four small kids)
~My house is starting to come together in certain rooms, at least.
~The beginning of autumn.
~Knowing that God is bigger.
~The reminder that, "Pain is inevitable but misery is an option".
~Jake was so sweet when we told him we are having a baby girl.

Have a blessed remainder of the week!

Stacey

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

~18 Weeks & A Swimming Story~

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

~18 Weeks & A Swimming Story~

Nearly Halfway...

Is it just me or do I look bigger than 18 weeks? I realize it's been a few years but I have had four children....you would think I would know. Anyway....I had to get my calendar out to see how far along I am. It's crazy to think I'm nearly half way done. Where has the time gone?
We plan to find out what we're having next week. Brad mentioned not finding out. He may as well have spoken in Latin. I have no box for that! There are gowns and onesies to buy and I'd rather not have ALL yellow, white, and green. But it HAS been so much fun telling him, "That's okay. You don't have to know. I'll just find out and not tell you." I plan to see how much fun I can have with that. I figure I can make it last a least several hours.

Avery has been my sidekick more than ever with Jake and Reese in school. She was lost the first couple days but now seems to thrive on the time with just the two of us.

Didn't mean to cut my head off in every single picture but that's pretty much what happened. My "backdrop" is my partially primed dining room.

It's such an accurate portrayal of the current state of my life. Really is. And it's okay....attempting to learn to be content in whatever state I find myself.

Quick Mommy story. The other day at the pool, Reese decided to swim to the deep end with her new, much more advanced swimmer, friend. I'm in clothes. It was going to be a quick pool trip but from my perch, I see her half swimming, half bobbing in "over her head" water. The amazing thing was even though she was really struggling, she kept right on going, looking at me every time she surfaced. "Reese! Turn around and go back!", I half spoke and half yelled as I casually walked to the pool's edge. (Trying to remain calm....the thought of drowning is almost more than I can bear and this little girl has already had one episode in water that will never leave my memory) At this point, she really couldn't get back. I waited a few more seconds til I succumbed to that instinctive, no thought, head first dive into the water. There was a really sweet Mom on the steps, dressed to swim, saying, "I'll get her" as she slowly strolled through the water. I figured she would have gotten to her just fine but she wasn't moving quite fast enough to satisfy me! (Plus, she wasn't aware of how long Reese had been bobbing)

The funniest part was when I got my hands on my second born, she had this perplexed look on her face and asked,
"What did you do that for?"
To which I dryly responded,
"Because you can't quite swim in the deep end, darling."
"But you have your clothes on!"